Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ashta's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
3:39 pm	my mind is getting that fuzzy glaze to it. btw i am starting to despise the passive voice. need sleep... going to cry... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
3:19 pm	can't keep eyes open Oh wow.  I'm sooo tired.  I worked 8hrs yesterday then performed for 2 and then walked home.  I can barely keep my eyes open.  Hmm... redbull doesn't have enough caffiene in it.  MORE CAFFIENE!  I might have to get some heavy duty stuff when I go down to sandybay to buy dinner.  Gods, I'm soo tired.  I have so much to catch up on though, but who can handle the passive voice in latin anyway?  Everything feels like it wants to shut down.  I am afraid I will just fall asleep in the library for a while.  Yay!  Okay back to latin passive voice.... fun.... my eyes wont stay open.... I'll need a shot of adrenaline before I go on stage tonight. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: I Am Hated For Loving - Morrissey (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
5:13 pm	Fangirldom Well, I'm updating with very little to say.  As per usual!  Well, my housemate is moving out in september when the lease expires and now I'm seriously considering trying to get it renewed.  Downloading lotsa Stargate SGA because it's tre-good and fuels my fangirl desires which substitue for real human feelings toward a certain someone.  Not completely but for some reason it helps.  It's second week and I'm already falling behind.  Could have something to do with stargate and Alice in WOnderland... We're on in a couple of weeks... maybe I should get my costume together... lol. Hmm... anyway, I should probably get back to stuyding.  That's what I'm here for.  Gah. Current Mood: crappy Current Music: Everybody Hurts - REM (Comment on this)
Monday, July 24th, 2006
6:23 pm	Success!! Oh!  *Squeals*  I topped the Ancient and Medieval Philosophy exam!!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!! Sorry, just thought I might brag a bit... I went and saw the lecturer today because I'm in another one of his subjects this semester and he was thoughrougly impressed with my exam!  SQUEALS! Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Please, please please let me get what I want - The Smiths (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
4:33 pm	My mother moved to Magnetic Island I'm parentless. ending transmission (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 17th, 2006
3:20 pm	there's more to life than book you know There's more to life than books you know but not much more.  Hm, what can I say.  I watched 'Nothing' 3 times in 3 days.... DH goodness!  hmm... damn, that man just continually grows on me.  Damnit, I'm such a creepy fan!  lol.  But At least he reads fan stuff (he actually used the word 'snarkcastic' in an interview.  Score 1 for the fans!!!  We el rocko. I've probably lost everyone now.  Lol. Oh, I am going now.  Oh, and Oisin called me EMO!  Damn him!  Only because I like the Smiths and Joy Division!  Bah to him! Ha! Ashta Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: Handsome Devil - The Smiths (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
11:30 am	It's over!!!!!! HUZZUH!!!!! I finished.  I've finally finished. omg.  omfg. YAY!!!! Now what the hell am I supposed to do?  I don't know how  to relax!  Gah, need to work.... But the exam was good.  I wrote 6-7 pages on each question and they weren't brilliant, but they were good.  Huzzuh!  Huzzuh! Yay! Yay! Okay, I'm over it, are you? Current Mood: confused Current Music: the cherebums are singing ode to joy! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
11:57 am	Reel Around the Fountain More lyrics from the archive of my emotion. (gotta love the smiths!) It's time the tale were told Of how you took a child And you made him old It's time the tale were told Of how you took a child And you made him old You made him old Reel around the fountain Slap me on the patio I'll take it now Oh ... Fifteen minutes with you Well, I wouldn't say no Oh, people said that you were virtually dead And they were so wrong Fifteen minutes with you Oh, well, I wouldn't say no Oh, people said that you were easily led And they were half-right Oh, they ... oh, they were half-right, oh It's time the tale were told Of how you took a child And you made him old It's time that the tale were told Of how you took a child And you made him old You made him old Oh, reel around the fountain Slap me on the patio I'll take it now Ah ... oh ... Fifteen minutes with you Oh, I wouldn't say no Oh, people see no worth in you Oh, but I do. Fifteen minutes with you Oh, I wouldn't say no Oh, people see no worth in you I do. Oh, I ... oh, I do Oh ... I dreamt about you last night And I fell out of bed twice You can pin and mount me like a butterfly But "take me to the haven of your bed" Was something that you never said Two lumps, please You're the bee's knees But so am I Oh, meet me at the fountain Shove me on the patio I'll take it slowly Oh ... Fifteen minutes with you Oh, I wouldn't say no Oh, people see no worth in you Oh, but I do. Fifteen minutes with you Oh, no, I wouldn't say no Oh, people see no worth in you I do. Oh, I ... I do Oh, I do Oh, I do Oh, I do I absolutely adore this song.  I think I have been living off the Smiths for a few weeks now.  For all you young kiddies out there, I highly recommend this band, they are absolutley and utterly devestatingly heartwrenchingly amazing. Current Mood: drained Current Music: anything by the smiths (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
5:19 pm	one down okay, one exam down, only two more to go. notice my level of enthusiasm. i can't even be bothered to press shift. huzzuh. i feel like my brain is leaing out of my ears. just started ploding through latin study. ack. it is very very scary. okay, i'm going to get back to study. yeah. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Cemetary Gates - The Smiths (Comment on this)
Monday, June 19th, 2006
11:47 am	official stress so many people have already done exams. I am yet to do my first. which is tomorrow. damn. it's is oh so very frustrating. Especially since I have Kel staying with me (which means I have to hang out with her occasionally) and my mother has totally hijacked my house and my life which means I have had no time to study over the past weekend which has stressed me out to beyoung belief. Dim and Nathan have just gone for lunch, but I have a Latin review session at 1 so I figured that I should do some revision for that. I know, revision for a revision session. I am a little mad, I know. Gods, Philosophy is flipping me out. I'm trying to get a good balance between fact and good philosophy. I am so utterly stressed about it. I can't wait until it's over. Ancient history... jeesus. I can't beleive that I am honestly leaving that to the last minute. I have 4 days after my Latin exam before it so I plan to study then. I havwe done a little bit, but I don't at all feel comfortable with the Selucid Kingdoms and as far as the historical debates go I am so far out of my depth. I haven't even started learning dates. I am really not myself at the moment. Could have something to do with the fact that I have not rebounded well from my break up. I really do feel like I am a fool. But I guess we don't choose who we fall in love with. Anyway. I should get back to study. Just took a few moments to rant. Ranting is tre-good. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Boss of Me - They Might Be Giants (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 10th, 2006
3:30 pm	Current Favourite Song Lyics. For those of you who give a damn. "Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head And as I climb into an empty bed Oh well. Enough said. I know it's over - still I cling I don't know where else I can go Oh ... Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head See, the sea wants to take me The knife wants to slit me Do you think you can help me ? Sad veiled bride, please be happy Handsome groom, give her room Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly (Though she needs you More than she loves you) And I know it's over - still I cling I don't know where else I can go Over and over and over and over Over and over, la ... I know it's over And it never really began But in my heart it was so real And you even spoke to me, and said : "If you're so funny Then why are you on your own tonight ? And if you're so clever Then why are you on your own tonight ? If you're so very entertaining Then why are you on your own tonight ? If you're so very good-looking Why do you sleep alone tonight ? I know ... 'Cause tonight is just like any other night That's why you're on your own tonight With your triumphs and your charms While they're in each other's arms..." It's so easy to laugh It's so easy to hate It takes strength to be gentle and kind Over, over, over, over It's so easy to laugh It's so easy to hate It takes guts to be gentle and kind Over, over Love is Natural and Real But not for you, my love Not tonight, my love Love is Natural and Real But not for such as you and I, my love Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head" - I know It's Over - The Smiths. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: I know it's over - the smiths (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
12:56 pm	Exam and Swatvac Funnness Well, I am currently enjoying the two weeks of hell before my first exam. Yes, I have nothing in the first week of exams which is good because more time to study and bad because there is more time to get distracted. For Philosophy I am avoiding Christian philosophy prefering to stubbornly take the hard route of Judaic and Islamic philosophy. Mind you, I find the premises of these religions easier to deal with than chrisitanity. I guess that makes it a little easier. Latin is under control. I am doing some revision every day to keep on top of it and to keep it nice and fresh in my memory. I am a little concerned about the vocab - there is just so much and sometimes i can identify a word, just not where it came from! Grr. Oh well, I still have two weeks before that exam. I figure just a little bit of vocab revision every day will mean I will be okay. Pursuit of Empire - Need to learn dates/sources. And some historical debate for the Hellenistic Period. But jeezus that exam is like three weeks away! Also I am working Friday, Sat and Mon this week. I think I may have overloaded myself. Plus I have a rehearsal for Alice in Wonderland on Sunday. GOds, all this typing has made me realise just how much more I should get back to studying. Ciao, and good luck to everyone with exams. Huggles! Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Everything I've Got Belongs to You - Ed Keupper (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
10:04 am	apathy strikes again Current Music - No Ordinary Morning - Chicane. This song is making me want to cry. It just reminds me that I am always fighting a losing battle and this feeling in the bottom of my stomach that wants to tear me apart. I have never felt like this before. I don't know whether I can live in this place. It's such a cold cold house and the little heater I sit in front of is just not good enough - it's not enough to keep me content. hmm, yet I'm already paying enough rent - I don't know if I can afford anymore. Current Mood: morose Current Music: No Ordinary Morning - Chicane (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
12:41 pm	Superlative and Comparative Adjectives meeples, funt. Cheesy Peas ending transmission. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Coldplay (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
4:14 pm	The next month is going to be hell. That essay that I threw major tearies over - my tutor read it (because I was so distressed), and he seemed to indicate that it was about a credit. That sucks. That really really sucks. That means I will have to work my arse off just to pull a distinction from the exam. I was really hoping for a distinction so I could pull it up to a high distinction in the exam... but now I'm not going to get that. My reputation in the department will drop. I feel like I have become a worse student this year. I am so unfocused, I am not putting in one hundred percent - and I feel like I just want to die. I can't even do well at the one thing I love. I feel so utterly useless - I'm not even a good student any more. I can do better than this. I can write better essays than I have been - I can be better. I have to strive to get back on top - I have to be one of the best or I am nothing. I know this is arrogant. But it is the only way I can define who I am - make some sort of impact. And being a student is the definition of my existence and therefore it is one of the most important thing to me. I have just got my exam time table. My exams are spread out over the entire time period. My Pursuit of Empire is my last exam (again). Last year I didn't handle that very well (I had lots of break downs becuase it was so far away and it just prolonged the pain. And currently I owe money to the realestate. Technically I have been living in the house for today without any rent... I need to make up 2 extra weeks of rent because Kellie left and her bond was withdrawn (basically that 2 extra weeks). Tomorrow I'll give them $90 and another $90 on thursday, that will at least put us a little bit ahead. I've also got Student fees - wanna see a magic trick? Watch me pull $138 bucks out of my arse! I just wished that I had another month on my laptop laybuy, that way I would be able to pay these bill, but they had strict laybuy terms... GAH! I have my laptop, but living in the world off 'tomorrow I may not have enough money to eat'. Oh well.... I don't think I am capable of losing much more weight, I lost nearly 10kilos thanks to stress. Current Mood: tired Current Music: I know it's over - the Smiths (11 Comments |Comment on this)
10:39 am	Luminously Confused Interrogatives, Pronouns, Adjectives, and Poetry (and Verbs, you idiot, do you know nothing about language!!! Verbs are your friend!) This man is amazing. The way he makes me happy. The way he makes me so sad. The way I need him. The way I know I want him. The way I feel. I think I love him I think I can be happy. Current Mood: happy Current Music: I know it's over - the Smiths (Comment on this)
Friday, May 12th, 2006
7:19 am	mushy musings from a maternal mind Went to the Royal today for a bit of a check up, nothing major. I was totally bowled over by my longing to be a mother. I saw so many young bogan-no-hoppery-mothers and just thought, jeesus why the hell does that happen? However, there were some women who I was jealous of... young mothers (about 23-26) I guess, who were well dressed, well spoken and generally full of an absolutely wonderful glow as if everything in their lives were complete. They had a nice shiny ring on their left hand and I husband dutifully running to and from kiosk... ...I guess I'm just jealous. I wan't to have that! Not right away of course, but I just feel like I need some guarantee that somewhere, somehow my perfect future life will just fall into place and with the right man. But no one gets that kind of guarentee. No one is give a book that says 'and this is how it will all work out, feeling better now?' Anyway, I bought my new shiny laptop... it's so pretty, her name is Audrey. Audrey says 'hi' to everyone. lolfull. She's my new baby, and possibly the closest thing I'll get to play mother to for a few years yet. Hugs and kisses to all (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
1:24 pm	Just had a massive break down I just had a break down over an essay!!!!!!! GAH! I grazed my knees and hands falling over onto the road this morning. I completely tore the knees out of my jeans (now they are naturally distressed). I'm currently skipping Latin because i have too much work to do. I should stop procrastinating. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
9:17 am	This decision is so goddamn hard. Part of me feels like I could handle having something purely casual, but another part of me feels like its wilting and dying because I selfishly want someone to love me back. I'm not a giving and sweet person, I tried to find that altruistic love, but for some reason it's a fleeting mirage and dissapears and I am left with nothing but a dark void in which I just want to sit and cry. I hate being so emotionally alone. I've got until the end of the week. I sure hope I know what I'm doing before then. Part of me thinks just let the man go, just let it go... but.... why does this have to happen now when I'm so stressed about uni. *sigh* Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Ask - The Smiths (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 6th, 2006
7:21 pm	break ups and new beginings Funny, I thought the break up was going to be horrible. But it was really really good. We talked things through, worked out why things had gone wrong (usually miscommunications and just not talking to each other about stuff). But we got it all out and sorted, and I still love him. He was really sweet and honest, but we both knew it was time to say goodbye. Damn, I love that man, it's just such a shame that we didn't quite work in the end. And he chose then to tell me that he thought I was sexy as all hell. Thanks Hamley! *giggles* Ah well, at least I part with happy memories, like him kissing my hand (and my forhead, I'm always a complete sucker for that one...aww...) and for once holding each other because we both needed it. If only I had been 10 years older. *sigh* Just remembering what my mother told me; let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never was. I love you Chris, and I hope you find just what you're lookin' for. I am at peace. Stevie Current Mood: contemplative (9 Comments |Comment on this)